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It may be that the problem is due to an inability or unwillingness on his part to accept that every healthy relationship requires some compromise by both partners. When the time is as right as it can be, tell your boyfriend in a calm and loving way that you understand he has a healthy sex drive but the pressure he puts on you to want to have sex when he does is making you anxious and tense and less likely to be in the mood. Explain that it would help you feel more relaxed about sex if he could be more patient and gentle in his approach and not take it so personally when you need a night off.
For many people, sex is an important part of intimacy in a relationship.
However, not everyone feels the same way about sex. It can be difficult when two people in a relationship have different sexual needsbut this is also quite common. You are not alone in facing this issue with your partner.
Sex also means different things to different people. What one couple considers sex is different to how another couple might feel, and some may choose not to have sex at all.
Everyone is different, and you just need to find a way to make it work for both of you. In the first few months of a relationships, things can feel especially new and exciting. Many couples find that after these first of months they are having sex or being intimate less often.
What to do if your partner doesn’t want to have sex
This is normal for any relationship, and is not necessarily something to be worried about. There are a of reasons why someone may not want to have sex or has lost interest in sex, including:.
It may seem difficult or even embarrassing to have this conversation, but talking it out is the only way to find a way forward. Try to pick a time when both of you are less likely to be busy or distracted.
Pick somewhere that is likely to have no interruptions — some people like to have tough conversations by going for a walk somewhere quiet. Find information on how to talk to your partner about your sexual needs here.
If your partner is experiencing a lot of stress or anxiety, or if they are having issues in other areas of their life, talk to them about this. If there is something going on, support them as they try to deal with it, or help them to find the support they need. Keep the conversation about sex open during this time, but bear in mind that they may have a lot going on, and try to be as supportive and understanding as you can and not push them.
You must respect their boundaries and their comfort levels when it comes to sex. Remember that everyone is different, and what you want is not necessarily what they want. Talk to them about what they are comfortable with and what their boundaries are. Above all else, make sure you have their consent for whatever you do, and ask that they make sure they have yours. If your partner is uncomfortable with one idea of sex, then maybe there are some other things you can try. Talk about different things you might like to try, but make sure you have their consent. If you think you just need to mix things up and try something new to bring sexual energy back into the relationship, be open to that conversation, but make sure everyone is comfortable with what you decide to do.
There are ways of being intimate with a partner that do not involve sexual actions, and these avenues could also be worth exploring and can be as fulfilling to a relationship as sexual intimacy.
Make time to be close to one another. Finding different and exciting ways to be intimate helps to build connections to each other.
It could be as simple as cuddling on the couch to watch a movie, or spending some time together away from phones and other screens. If you feel you need extra help or support, consider going for counselling. A relationships counsellor or a sex therapist will be able to work through these issues with both of you so that you can come to a solution together and find something that works for both of you. Many counselling organisations will have a relationship counsellor or a sex therapist, and you can also search for a counsellor on the IACP website.
Talk to them about your options.
If the issue is a medical one, such as vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, low energy levels, or side effects of medication, ask your partner if they would like to consider speaking to a GP or medical professional, and offer to support them in this should they wish to do so. You may be finding this situation difficult, but having an open and honest conversation with your partner is the best way to find a way to make this work for both of you.
Above all, remember to never push someone to do something that they are not comfortable with, regardless of their connection to you or what you may have done together in the past. It is never ok to push someone to have sex with you, even a partner.
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All Rights Reserved. Report an issue. Communicating with your partner is the best way to resolve issues around sex. Written by spunout. Factsheet Fact checked by experts and reviewed by young people. Does everyone want to have sex?
My boyfriend always wants sex and i don’t, can you help?
Talking to them Try to pick a time when both of you are less likely to be busy or distracted. Respect their boundaries You must respect their boundaries and their comfort levels when it comes to sex. Speak to a professional If you feel you need extra help or support, consider going for counselling. Related articles. Breakups can be difficult but there is support available if you need it.
Quiz: Can you recognise a healthy relationship? Setting boundaries, listening, and being able to say sorry can all help to build healthy relationships. Our work is supported by. Follow us.
5 things to do if your partner wants sex all the time & you don’t