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Approaching a stranger holds all sorts of exciting possibilities: connection, trust, validation. It also holds all of the terrifying risks: discomfort, mistrust, rejection.


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In societies of gender inequality, men and women may have different views about what is appropriate stranger interaction in public places. Thus men may not know or care how to interact with women in ways that will be the least offensive or threatening. If you want to say hello to a woman, just smile and nod or say hello.

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There are a million manuals, books, articles, and YouTube channels that focus on a million different ways to do it. Having a nice, normal conversation with a beautiful woman and hopefully leaving with her contact info is not the same as Sudoku.

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All you really need to do is have a little confidence in yourself and be attuned to certain social cues. But, we humans are social creatures after all, so there is a cool, calm, and collected way to go about this process. First, consider how you would feel if a stranger approached you. Christie Kederian.

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Also known as the Date Doctor, she's a nationally-renowned psychologist, d Marriage and Family Therapist, and professional matchmaker and relationship expert for eharmony and Match. The latter is bound to make her feel really awkward and she may immediately want to shut down any attempt at further communication. The former approach, however, should create a natural rapport and make the conversation that much smoother and more pleasant.

But try with all your might to resist the urge to fall back on some corny gimmick or eye-roller of a pickup line.

Millennial men ask “is it ever ok to approach women in public?” how to meet women in the age of #metoo

You really want to make sure — to the best of your ability — that she is open to talking to you, and that she actually has the time to talk to you. Does she appear to be furiously texting someone? Is she walking hurriedly across the room? Is she already having a profound conversation with somebody at the bar? If she's been looking in your direction and seems like she's trying to catch your eye, or even better, if she's already sent a smile your way, then she's probably very open to you approaching her. If you've been aware of these body language cues, you should feel pretty confident that she's willing to have a conversation with you, so mosey on over and say "Hello.

Furthermore, a recent paper published in the Journal of Sex Research claims to identify a set of flirtatious facial expressions that may effectively be used by women to indicate interest in a man. The researchers, based out of the University of Kansas, found that the so-called Facial Action Coding System, or FACS, included "a head turned to one side and tilted down slightly, a slight smile, and eyes turned forward, toward the implied target.

So basically, you'll know it when you see it. It's important to be confident but not cocky when you approach her. This lies in more than just what you say; it's very much about how you act, too. So, first of all, be sure to make eye contact when you're speaking to her.

Not in an aggressive way, of course, but a normal amount. A few seconds of eye-to-eye action at a time can establish a better connection, a sense of trust between the two of you, and maybe even a greater sense of closeness. Beyond that, you'll want to keep your body language open and your hands visible, and also try to approach her from the side or at an angle, if possible.

Sneaking up behind her could be startling, and approaching her head-on might be a bit intimidating, especially if she can see you making a beeline for her from all the way across the room. Ultimately, you want to strike a balance where you're not catching her completely unaware, but you're also not threatening. You get the idea. Your heart just skipped a beat, the pressure is on, and you feel like this is it.

This is your one and only shot at true love! Okay, cool it down there, bud.

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Women are always evaluating the likelihood of a threat from strange men, so any intense come-ons are sure to be interpreted as more creepy than flattering, regardless of how well-intentioned you think you may be. So, before you go pouring on some wild admiration for your dream girl of the moment, snap yourself back to reality.

3 ways to get instantly better at meeting women in public

Now, take a deep breath and play it cool instead. This is not an all-or-nothing game. You absolutely do not need to walk up to her and ask for her phone right away. No one — man or woman — should be comfortable giving that much information to a complete stranger right off the bat. Instead, start small. Make some conversation, then ask her politely if you can buy her a drink. If she seems receptive and you want to make sure you leave her with a point of contact, you might choose to give her your phone instead of asking for hers.

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Or, even better, give her your social media handle. Pay attention to how she is — or is not — responding to you. After all, why would you want to talk to somebody you have to hold hostage? Is she crossing her arms, or maybe tapping her foot nervously?

How to talk to women

Is she only replying with one-word answers, or not making eye contact? If she seems kind of distracted and is looking elsewhere, get out of there, bro. She feels uncomfortable and is looking for a friend — or anyone — to help her out of the situation.

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Take the cues, politely excuse yourself, and go get a drink. Hey, it happens. Have a nice night! And remembering that it doesn't have to do with some inadequacy can help you handle any disappointment without letting it discourage you in dating. So whatever you do, just be sure not to internalize the rejection. Not only will it creep her out, but it may also make her feel pretty threatened and possibly even unsafe. After all, even Steph Curry misses a shot here and there.

8 tips for approaching anyone, anywhere, anytime

Now for the positive alternative. Nicely done!

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But hold on. Even if she is interested in potentially pursuing something with you, she still may not want to spend the entire night talking to you.

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This is why you should be mindful of her circumstances. There will be plenty of chances to talk later. Search AskMen Search.

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10 ways to approach a beautiful woman

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Millennial men ask “is it ever ok to approach women in public?” how to meet women in the age of #metoo

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